18 and Counting: Firsts That Didn’t Work Out So Well

January 21, 2013 § 1 Comment


Ever have those days when everything goes absolutely wrong? Ever broken everything you’ve touched? Ever felt like you just keep messing up, no matter what you do? It sucks, doesn’t it? Try failing at everything the first couple of months of adulthood — classes, social life, career, everything! At first, it sucked so much that it really got me down. After hours and hours of inspirational Youtube videos by people who are just like me, and making an effort to change my attitude in life, I picked up the pieces and made a gradual recovery to simply being me. All that was really wrong with me was… there was nothing wrong with me. I think that was part of the problem too — it was easy to think that there was something wrong with me, but it was just an excuse to avoid making a huge effort. It takes time for everyone to get adjusted to new environments, new people and altogether new circumstances, and the time it takes to do this is different for everybody.

Well, everyone needs to get knocked down a peg every once in a while. Here’s a list of ‘firsts’ that didn’t work out too well for me. Yet here I am, I am alive and breathing despite these screw-ups and misconceptions:

  1. First time I failed my road test.
    Depending on how you look at it, learning to drive can either be a very exciting and uplifting experience… or it can be traumatizing. In my case, it was a bit traumatizing. I was under so much pressure to get my license. Failing the first time was horrifyingly disappointing. Passing the second time was like a nice, cool breeze on my face. Needless to say, don’t stress out about driving. Once you’ve got that license, there really isn’t much to it.
  2. First time asking out a guy… and getting rejected.
    Let me tell you a story.

    Once, there was a girl, albeit an Asian pop culture obsessed and moderately weird girl who was a freshman in high school. During orientation, in which the Principal addressed the great population of scrawny little freshmen, this girl locked eyes with a very handsome and very Asian boy who looked very cute indeed. This boy knew nothing, never knew that he was to become the object of this girl’s affections over the next three years.

    This girl is obviously me and the boy will remain anonymous because, well, I say so. Anyway, as weird as I was in my early high school days (and this weirdness involved stalking multiple “cute” boys around with my best friends who will hopefully not kill me for reminding them of how utterly awkward those early days were) I grew to become a relatively normal human being with a relatively good amount of quirks. This guy I stalked over the first few days in high school actually became one of my best friends by the time we graduated because we played the clarinet together in band. And let me tell you, when you’re in band at my school, you’re part of a very large, very dysfunctional family. The two of us were pretty normal, so yeah. After a while, my crush ended, we became friends. I hated and appreciated him and by senior year, I had fallen in love. Sadly, it was just not meant to be. I don’t care what anybody says. He was my first love.

  3. First job… and first time getting fired.
    I got hired at a shoe store and then got fired a couple of weeks later because I “wasn’t understanding the way things work here”. After a great depression, I realized I was horribly unqualified for the job and the manager made a huge error in judgement in hiring me. I hated it there.
  4. First day in University… and not so great first impressions.
    My first impression of the Engineering faculty? A bunch of drunk bastards with overly large male egos. Happily, I have since made a lot of friends and reshaped my opinion of most of the population. There are a lot more girls than I thought there would be and some of the guys are really very nice. Still, the amount of male ego continues to exasperate me.
  5. First midterm… and first time failing a major test.
    Nobody told me that the classes I had taken in my first term were the most difficult classes in first year. I ended up failing an exam and still passed the course. On a brighter note, I escaped with two A’s.

Like I said, everybody needs to get knocked down a peg or two in the early stages of adulthood. If I didn’t suffer through everything I’ve suffered, who would I be now? I’d still be the same, innocent little girl who needed to have her life handed to her on a silver platter. I rather like who I am right now — funny (if a little ironic), serious, motivated, hard-headed, somewhat wise, etc. I can stop myself now and say, “You know what? It’s okay. You’re alright.” And as a poor sleep-deprived university student, that’s all I can ask for.


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§ One Response to 18 and Counting: Firsts That Didn’t Work Out So Well

  • I quite liked this post, Joyce! As a former teacher, it drives me INSANE how many freaking parents won’t let their kids fail. They blame everyone except the kid for their kids’ failure. But you are so right that if we don’t suffer, where would we be??

    And I totally sympathize with the driving–I failed the written test twice and the driving test four times. LOL!!!
    ❤ your blog

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